Had I the heavens’ embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light,
I would spread the cloths under your feet:
But I, being poor, have only my dreams;
I have spread my dreams under your feet;
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams.
He Wishes for the Cloths of Heaven
I bet you are thinking, god no this guy is talking about IVF again, bear with me. Last night on Instagram I happened upon the IVF hashtag, for some reason I dipped in liking pictures and reading people’s stories of what they had been through the many positives and negatives. I felt a wealth of empathy towards anyone going through the journey of fertility treatment. 2 years ago I decided to write about our fertility journey and what it meant to be told at the end it was the end. It was incredibly cathartic for us both to release all this pent up grief and sadness in to the social media realm. The response we both received was so comforting and made our new life that little bit better. We even started a podcast as an outlet for us to have the chats as Joanne would say, chatting helped it really helped. For those first 6 months however after we found out we simply could not have children no matter how hard we tried was tough undeniably.
We even came very close to being involved in a study with a conception vitamin brand we mentioned before over on my old website, but even that was ill fated for numerous reasons. In June 2017 we did extensively debate adoption and donor eggs, we even signed up to go to a seminar on it all. Remember above I mentioned chatting helped a lot, well chatting got us to a realisation kids were not for us. We had reached the end of our road when it came to having children, our own naturally, involving fertility drugs, or donor eggs.
That year we got back to where we belong as “The Beatles” song “Get Back” goes. We got back our lives , we restored order , the insane pressure of having kids was gone. I remember always thinking when I was younger i’d love a girlfriend and maybe she would become my wife , with that kids would hopefully follow, I even hear people I know talk like this as a given. When you analyse the best things in life however you realise you hit the jackpot, I have an incredible wife and best friend in Joanne, 2017 showed me why. We did so much we had some much fun just being us. We spend unnatural amounts of time with each other, it may seem unnatural to some but I value Joanne so much it is like I don’t want to lose a minute with her. We have an equal partnership, if I falter she is there to pick me up and vice versa. There is nothing more I love than even our daily routine, commuting to and from work, getting home we share the cooking through the week, we watch Youtube videos during dinner, we wash the pots after dinner ( she never ever lets me put them in the dishwasher ) we have our cups of tea and veg out watching tv for the evening. There is nothing in this world I would change about us, it sounds beyond soppy but it is true. When you learn it is just the two of you for how ever long you get with each other it shines a big spotlight on your relationship. It can go one of two ways, the foundations start to crack or they get stronger and better than ever. We are the latter.
I don’t know too many people nowadays who don’t have kids most my family and friends have them. At one stage, in fact Christmas 2017 I remember going home to Limerick after spending a week playing with my nephew. I returned to Dublin and said to Joanne ‘do you think anymore about kids I wonder did we do the right thing by writing off the Donor or Adoptions choices’. That cues some chatting back and forth between us for weeks and we resolve no we are doing the right thing. This past Christmas I had the best time ever with my nephew Luke, we had so much fun with him getting up to so much mischief. I didn’t come back to Joanne though with the same feelings as the previous January. No this time I was transported to when I was 4 years old. There was nothing more in this world I enjoyed more than hanging out at my Uncle Robbert’s apartment, we had so much fun I thought he was blooming awesome, he was my Dad but fun ( sorry Dad ). I want to be him I want to be the Uncle that Luke visits and we have the absolute craic. When we hung out this Christmas we had so much fun, dancing to Baby Shark and doing the Fox song or playing lets jump on Uncle Will’s back. I love being an Uncle and Joanne loves being an Aunt, it allows us to enjoy the best times. There is not a day that goes by that I don’t say to Joanne thank fuck we don’t have kids, I am not sure I would cope. I can barely function as it is as an adult let alone chuck in children in to the mix. I truly admire parents it is like a juggling act between sickness, school and so much more. I think 2 years on I am truly blessed to be Uncle Will, there is so much value in those words to me.
Are we happy after 2 years? Yes we most certainly are we love being us Joanne and Will, Will and Joanne, The De Kortes, Uncle Will and Aunty Jojo. I am with Joanne 9 years this year, I think I am the luckiest bloke in the world. If you are going through IVF with a partner, hold them closer this evening, tell them you love them and no matter what happens you will have each other at the end no matter what, if you cannot have kids you have the best friend with you forever. Failure does not exist when you have tried, trying lets you see what is the most valuable parts of your life.
Our podcast on IVF : https://soundcloud.com/will-de-korte/tcb-presents-meet-the-dekortes-the-ivf-one
Out podcast on Adoption: https://soundcloud.com/will-de-korte/the-adoption-option
My written series on IVF